Agnostics Anonymous

Liberal Backslider

In spiritual/religious/philosophical terms, I consider myself agnostic. I could also use the term ‘post-Christian’.

I was brought up in a loving liberal Christian home – my Dad is a (now retired) Methodist minister and my Mum was a compassionate woman who regularly visited and cared for others. She and I had great regular conversations that involved difficult questions about the church and the Bible. She was influenced by Leslie Griffiths’ book ‘The Christian Agnostic’. My parents never forced me to believe or go to church, but encouraged me to question and challenge all that I heard at Sunday School.

I chose to be a Christian – mostly because I loved and admired my parents and wanted to please them and be like them. I read the Bible with great confusion and frustration. I saw early on how much of it contradicted the basic teachings of Jesus (that we love everyone and take care of those less fortunate than ourselves) that are, surely, the basis for Christian faith. I attended churches that were very traditional and increasingly evangelical. None of them spoke to or inspired me. I found Greenbelt Festival helpful as a place where I could express and explore doubt. I even had a girlfriend who joined a Christian sect and therefore had to break up with me, unless I, too, joined the sect.

Then one day I decided to not go to church and the feeling of relief was enormous. I found myself. However, the desire to explore spirituality never left me. I knew there was more to life than our physical world. I had no idea if God existed or whether S/He intervened in our lives. I still wonder if Jesus was ever real and what exactly his teaching is – and whether we can trust the gospel accounts. I have no idea what prayer is, except that it is more for us than for God. I don’t believe in miracles or ghosts, and certainly cannot entertain the idea that Jesus’ resurrection somehow magically ‘saves’ us from going to Hell if we only believe. And when did ‘just believing’ become more important than your loving actions?

So I’m agnostic because that’s the only honest response I can give. I don’t know if there is or isn’t a god – nobody does. I want to hear people being more honest. We just don’t know. Do our spirits continue after we die? No idea. Do Heaven and Hell exist? Dunno. Will God only love me if I go to church? Is Christianity the only way? I doubt it. Does the church have a dodgy history, and do some religions try to control people? Heck, yes.

The one thing I have learnt is that doubt is an essential part of any faith journey. If you haven’t asked the most difficult questions and explored the darkest recesses of doubt then your faith is probably very thin indeed. So welcome to this blog for agnostics, doubters, post-Christians, atheists and liberal backsliders.

Listen to ‘Liberal Backslider’ by Martyn Joseph:

Tag: faith

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